How to Deal
by TheDayYouSaidGoodnight
Summary: Full summary inside. A lot funnier than it sounds. Hazelbashing. Some Japanese and english swearing. Finished!
1. Lady Samurai Crossing!

**How to Deal**

By: TheDayYouSaidGoodnight

Summary: An authoress puts herself into Sanzo-ikkou's journey to the west as a modern-looking female samurai. How stupid can things go? Will Goku beg her for food? Will Gojyo try making her head an ashtray? Will Hakkai keep smiling? Will Sanzo whack her with a fan? I want to let NellySama read this. I made this as a gift for him/her, because I like his/her story: The Sanzo Incident. Rated for self-impart, some swearing, OOCness and random insanity, overuse of the word "katana".

Dislaimer: I do not own anything…………………

Note: Please have a Japanese-English dictionary with you if you read this, there are some Japanese words in this story. 1st Saiyuki fic, pls. be nice and review. Some authoress parts here are in third person.

There are 4 people in a jeep, conversing on the roads as they journey to the west.

"Are we in the next village yet? I'm hungry!" Goku yells to Hakkai and Sanzo.

"Shut up monkey!" Sanzo yells, whacking that oh-so-popular paper fan at Goku's head.

"Heh, monkey, bad monk here is having a fit of temper again huh?" Gojyo asked, snickering. "Whack!" went a fan on Gojyo's head. "Owww! What was that for?" Gojyo asked.

"Guys, we're halfway to the next village. We'll just cross this forest of pine trees.

Later the car's breaks went "screech" Gojyo's and Goku's heads bumped unto the jeep's side. There was a girl on the street, wearing a purple kimono with small, lavender diamonds as designs on it. She had short black hair that reached to the back of her nape tied in a black ponytail with black and white beads hanging down from it. She had almond-shaped dark brown eyes, a not very flat nose and medium pink lips. She was about 155 to 156 centimeters (5 feet and 1 and ½ centimeters, that's my height, correct my conversions if I'm wrong). She wore no earrings, wore silver-framed oval eyeglasses that shine when the sun strikes them. She was thin. People could call her a nerd, but she had an attitude. She wore high light blue slippers on her feet without socks. On her belt was a katana slipped through, and she had a large bag strapped at her left shoulder.

"Watch where you're going lady!" Gojyo screamed at the girl,

"What's your problem, I'm just crossing the road."

"Is this our authoress TheDayYouSaidGoodnight?" Goku asked. "I am the authoress of this story, what's you're problem, Gojyo, do you think I'm a demon?" she says.

"Do you have any foooooooooooooood?" asked Goku, who was over-obsessed with food.

"No, I have no food, and I'll cut you down with my katana if you beg from me." just then something poked at her head, something like metal. "Sanzo! Don't you dare shoot me with your shoreiju, I can guide all of you to the next village!" "Get in and shut up." He said coldly.

"Thanks. Hey, Hakkai, when will we arrive?" "About 10 minutes from now. How should we call you, authoress?" Goku asks.

"Just call me Danielle. My authoress name is a song title. I'm not really from around here. I'm from the Philippines, a country south of Japan and Taiwan. I am an expert of stealth." The authoress says

At the town……….

"What should we do first?" the authoress asks bored, and sleepy.

"Get foooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood!" Goku yells.

"Let's get an inn first. Then we'll eat." Hakkai says. After finding all the inns, they finally saw an inn to stay.

"Not bad, 5 floor mattresses in one room, but this _is_ ridiculous! Can't I just stay at the balcony!" Goku asked,

"Get over it, or I can smash a scabbard on you forehead, you monkey who didn't do anything but eat. When we were in the restaurant, you stole all the ramen in my bowl, half of the Peking duck in the serving plate, and three fourths of the chocolate cake! The only things I ate were the morsels of ramen, 1/8 of the Peking duck and a crumb of the cake and just substituted it with sansrival cake but you ate half of it!" the newcomer shouts while hanging her bag at the nails hammered into the wall near the bathroom.

"I'm so sorry about Goku for he ate your food. We didn't know you like chocolate cake." Hakkai told her.

"You shouldn't apologize, man, it's monkey-boy whose supposed to and if he does, apology accepted anyways." she smiles as she forgives Goku.

"I can't believe this I-don't-know-if-she's-a-samurai is even kinder than Sanzo!" Gojyo whispers to Hakkai's ear. "Bang! Bang!" the gun blasted its bullets into the windowsill. Sanzo did that.

"Sorry monk, I didn't mean to um….make them give you a demerit or something, but I think you're a good person." The newcomer bows her head in front of the ill-behaved priest.

As the four are stationed in their other 4 mattresses, she tripped. Sanzo was at the door, smoking a cigarette. He held her hand up then forbidden Japanese words came from her mouth:

"Ay! Watashi wa anata wo aishithe imasu, Sanzo! Sorry, Sanzo! I know what that means, I'm a rookie when it comes to speaking in Japanese! Gomen, Sanzo-sama! Gomen, Sanzo-chan!"

"It's okay, be careful or I could lose control of my gun!" Sanzo smiled so tenderly she smiled at him too, she never forgot what he looked like: such a kind, gentle, handsome monk.

"Unless I slap it off with my katana." she says, showing the blade of her katana.

She walked off to the balcony and watched the four behind shout insults and bangs of revolvers, whacking of a paper fan and 30 times of the word "gomen". She just shakes her head and views the outside world.


	2. Moonlight Katana

**How to Deal**

By: TheDayYouSaidGoodnight

Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki Reload Gunlock, kay? If I did, I would tell Gojyo to cut his hair, Hakkai to frown, Goku to not eat for 4 000 years and Sanzo will duel me with a sword!

Thanks for the review:

**Sada Lily**: Update soon it is good!

Review me if you want it to be in first person. I did this in third person. Oh more reason to have this rated PG-13! Hazel-bashing!

Danielle, the lady samurai, who is also the authoress, strolled around in the balcony. She also drew out her sword. Goku found her bag at a nail stuck unto the wall near the cabinet and bathroom. He opened it. There was a fan. A dirty white fan made with wood and smooth, fragrant cloth. It had designs of yellow, orange and green (for the leaves and the anther!) tiger lilies you could see in some of Sanzo's pictures (check it out yourself.) There were also yellow smudge outlines of white flowers. At the tips of the upper part, there was white lace. In short, it was a bit cute. He put it back, in case I might use the katana as my death threat.

"Hey Danielle, have you got any idea of what the West looks like?" asks Goku.

"West? Yeah, many people, port, boats, ships, traders, war. I'm not from your religion, I'm a Roman Catholic, but even if you are demons, except Sanzo, I think, if humans and demons won't be too proud to accept each other on Earth, then peace would reign. I would want an Earth where those who live in it do not hate each other." Danielle says, sitting cross-legged on the mattress.

"So you're different." Gojyo says, "Hey, Danielle! I saw the fan in your bag!" Goku said.

"You like fans too, like Sanzo?" Gojyo asked, fearfully lighting up a cigarette

"Shut up! I like fans! I can whack them on myself and it provides better air for me!" Danielle said, angrily

"You know, Danielle, you have the opposite dream from Hazel, our enemy." Hakkai says, cheerfully smiling as his dragon nods.

"Thanks, I didn't know he was that bad, killing demons, but making people under his command, huh? A katana can kill him in 45 seconds. Let's bet." She says, grinning

They went to the dinner table to discuss things over with. So dinner was served on such a low table and cushions. Dinner consisted of miso soup, tempura, udon, ramen, teppanyaki, teriyaki and water to drink.

After dinner, she sneakily went into the bathroom, bathed and went out wearing comfortable civilian clothes that would suit the night: an orange and dark blue shirt, long jeans, and those light blue slippers with high platform-like heels.

Then the rest had their bath and went out wearing the same clothes, well except Sanzo did not wear the full robe. The upper part was wrapped on his waist. All on top was some sort of annoying sleeveless black turtleneck shirt and something on his arms that even slip unto his middle finger.

"I feel an evil presence, let's go out!" Hakkai boomed, "Fine, Hakkai, make sure this isn't a trick." Danielle said,

"Danielle, I want food!" Goku yells, "Uh, midnight snack later, we should fight demons now. Patience, Goku or I will fire arrows at you! I'm a Sagittarius!" she yelled.

They all went outside. Demons! They were spotted in the forest.

"Well, well, well, who does Sanzo and company have? A weak girl who can't lift a sword?" one demon asked, "I can lift a sword against you, minikui henjin (ugly freak)." Danielle declares.

All the demons laugh. She draws her sword one-handed. The shiny blade reflected in the dim moonlight.

"Where did you get that katana from?" Gojyo asks her.

"This is from my maternal grandmother. I know according to the Nihonji (an old Japanese writing) the Japanese traded with the early Filipinos from the 6th to the 13th century. She lives in the province. I inherited this from her (I wish that could happen in real life!)."She says

"Enough chat, let's fight!" Sanzo shouted in a manner that says "Draw out your weapon or else!"

The fight began. Hakkai used spiritual power to flash out 4 demons. Goku used his staff to kill three. Sanzo shot his shoreiju to kill 5 demons, considering it can only hold 5 bullets. Gojyo took his chained staff and killed so many. Danielle flashed the katana into the moonlight and used it the way the samurai did, brave, bloody and brainy. After that, they heard clapping sounds from behind the trees.

"Bravo, bravo, bravo, Sanzo and company and weak lady with a sword." Hazel said, with Gato behind him.

"How many times will I say that I'm not a weak lady with a sword! It's called katana, ka-ta-na! I don't come from around here, I'm a Roman Catholic and I don't support you blue-eyed freak!" she shouted at Hazel. Gato pointed the gun at her.

"You bastard! What will you do with her?"

Sorry for the evil cliffhanger! I have no time left.


	3. Love, Faith and Dreams

**How to Deal**

By: TheDayYouSaidGoodnight

Hi guys! Here again is my funny-romantic-stupid-dramatic-adventurous story. Anyone here who watches Samurai 7 and likes Kyuzo, email or review me. Okay my parts are still in third person.

"No need to curse, Gojyo, I think if you guys remember I bet with you that I could kill Hazel in 45 seconds with **just** a katana?" she says, drawing out her sword.

_Flashback……_

"_Thanks, I didn't know he was that bad, killing demons, but making people under his command, huh? A katana can kill him in 45 seconds. Let's bet." She says, grinning_

_End flashback…………_

"So how much will we bet?" Goku asks, trying to plan that Sanzo will give him some money.

"Eh! 10 yen! That's final!" Danielle scoffs as she tries desperately to get away from the gun poking at her head. She reflects the shiny blade of her katana to the moonlight and it shines so brightly that Gato's eyes were blinded and she escaped. "Now it's time."

"You're good, saaah-muhr-aii girl." Hazel laughs, "Ugh, enough trash talk. I'll try to dig my fighting skills like Kyuzo (I don't own Samurai 7 nor Kyuzo!) only I have one katana." She grins but fights.

Gato keeps on shooting his guns. Danielle blocks with a katana. She strikes but he shoves her. He tries to shoot her again but fails, it runs away from her foot.

"Sanzo-sama! May I borrow your shoreiju? Please." She says, "Are you crazy you bakayaro?"

"I promise Sanzo. I'll owe you 2 bullets okay." Sanzo threw the gun at her feet. "Please help me shoot right. I'm sorry I'll hurt someone." She prayed.

"Hmmm….she's just stupid and can't have a shoot. She is useless." Hazel says while scoffing. "Gato, attack."

Gato raced with his guns to the lady samurai. She said: "Ready the mind and seek the target!" a gunshot flew through the air, hitting Gato's chest. Hazel was too shocked to heal Gato.

"Why? How could a samurai know how to shoot and hurt?" Hazel shouted, "That's because she has faith and love in her heart, faith that she can defeat anyone who will harm her, love, love that she loves the company of not seeing other people hurt." Hakkai said,

"Hazel now is your last stand. I pity you, I will not kill you, but I'm ready to strike you if you dare harm Sanzo or any person close to my heart! Heal Gato and go before I kill you. " she says, he leaves and they go back to the inn.

Back at the inn…..

"Sanzo, here, domo arigato gozaimas. Take your gun, I wasted you a bullet. Sorry and cast off the bet. Let's just play Truth or Dare in the morning. Let's sleep. It's 10 in the evening. Goodnight." She said, covering herself with a blanket for it rained in that cold night.

Two or three hours later….

"Sure, Danielle, I'll eat that. What's that? Oh pork buns!" Goku yelled as he dreamt of food.

"I want sake, waiter, not beer!" Gojyo shouted in his sleep.

"Mother, 33 times 4 is not 67." Hakkai said, turning over, "It's 132."

The smell of smoke filled the room. There was no rain. It felt like the skies were calm finally. Danielle awakened from the familiar scent of cigarettes. She tiptoed, took her fan and motioned towards the balcony. She opened her fan and hid behind the door of the balcony. She saw a figure smoking. His golden blonde hair shined in the moonlight, like he was the sun of the night (; what figure of speech is this?). Looking at the beauty (bah!) of his face, she dropped her fan with a loud thump. She picked up her fan and walked towards her bed but a blanket was in the way so she tripped and fell in front of Sanzo in the balcony.

"Gomen, gomen, gomen. Sorry. I'm very clumsy…..I'm very clumsy." "What are you doing this time of night?"

"I was awakened by the smell of smoke. Yeah and I went up to take my fan because it was hot, yeah, that's it!" Danielle reasoned out.

"Don't lie, spit it out." "Okay, sheesh I'm a hothead like you too, I woke up because of the moonlight and the smoke. I took my fan to make sure there was no trouble. Then I saw a figure smoking in the veranda, tall, fair, with golden hair shining like the sun in the moonlight. Then my fan dropped and I picked it up and slipped and then you saw me. Okay, that tall, fair, handsome guy is you. Happy now?" she said, with a tinge of red on her cheek.

"Whatever. Let's go back to sleep or it's either we're sleep-deprived or I'll make you write a poem for three hours." Sanzo said, coldly, "Okay."

Morning…..

"OHAYO GOZAIMAS! Wake up corrupt monk and Filipina samurai girl!" Goku yelled,

"Ugh! Urusai!" a very famous paper fan whacked on Goku's head

"OWWWW! What was that forrr?" Goku said,

"I hope breakfast is not sashimi……Or I'll cut off the cook in pieces. Hakkai! Give me my katana, now or I'll behead you!" the samurai girl yelled at 120 decibels (that's deafening).

At the breakfast table…

"6 times 6 is 36 and if it is 9 time y equals 36, then y is equal to 4, huh?" she asked,

"Good morning. What will be your breakfast today?" asked the waiter.

"Everything on the menu!" Goku said, enthusiastically, "You hungry monkey!" everyone except Hakkai shouted grouchily.

"Wanna learn how to make lanterns?" the samurai girl asked, "No." everyone said, as the food was on everyone's plates.

After breakfast, in the room……

The lady samurai held out a ballpoint pen and some paper lying around the room. She wrote about the journey she was in….

"There's a journey, journey o the west

Only those who can go are the best

A fear of dying reigns takes part

But there's courage in your heart

One is a warrior with a code of honor

She values it because there is a donor

Carrying a katana by her side

Nothing wrecks her pride."

"Hey, you know, you youkai, this samurai woke up last night because of my cigarette smoke and moonlight she crept up like a spy, took her fan, spied behind the balcony doors, stared at me like I was the 'sun', dropped her fan, picked it up, slipped on a sheet and fell in front of me and even lied to me that the temperature was hot, that's why she got the fan but I told her to spill it and she said: 'Okay, sheesh I'm a hothead like you too, I woke up because of the moonlight and the smoke. I took my fan to make sure there was no trouble. Then I saw a figure smoking in the veranda, tall, fair, with golden hair shining like the sun in the moonlight. Then my fan dropped and I picked it up and slipped and then you saw me. Okay, that tall, fair, handsome guy is you. Happy now?' and she even blushed." Sanzo said in that cold Arctic-like voice.

"Shut up, Sanzo!" she said, dropping the poem she wrote on the ground.

"Hmm? What's this?" Hakkai asked, "A poem I made about this journey." She said,

"Wow! You can make a poem, you have a gift and you can use it well." Gojyo said, "Make a poem about food!" Goku yelled,

She took her fan, whacked it on Goku's said and said: "Shut it you idiot monkey. Sanzo, will you mind if I read your newspaper with you."

"Hmph." Sanzo said with no damn frickin' care………

Hours later that afternoon they left the inn with all their things and Goku ransacked the samurai girl's things and found no pink object. That ends our chapter.


	4. Die Youkai!

**How to Deal**

Hi guys! I'm back and I can't write my chapter because of many factors. Okay here is chapter 4. Beware of over fighting and fans. A lot of blood included. Rating might go up. Still, my parts are still in third person. Just review me kay?

That freaky afternoon, they went out from the inn and decided to travel again. Danielle had packed up with Japanese dumplings and some moon cakes.

An hour later……..

"Hare heta!" Goku said, "May I have a mooncake?"

"No, this is the 15th you ate!" she said, straightening out the sleeves of her purple kimono, but she wore jeans on the inside and sandals and a loose orange shirt inside.

"Hakkai, how far are wwwweeeeeeeeeeee? I'm hungryyyyyy!" Goku wailed and wailed

"Two miles. That means 3 hours or so." Hakkai said smiling, meanwhile, Sanzo lit up a cigarette.

Half a mile later……..

They stopped, strange sounds were in the forest, and Hakkai stopped the car in the middle of the road. He, Gojyo and Goku went out to kill demons, if there were any. She and Sanzo were left.

"Get off your butt and fight. You're a better gunner than me." Danielle said, crossing her arms.

"Get off your lazy behind and fight." Sanzo said, being a loser …..

They both got their fans and whacked it on both of their heads at the same, same time.

"OW!" they shouted together, "Alright, let's get outta here and fight." Sanzo said, "Right. I have very good bullets. You may have them." She smiled and gave 45 bullets.

Demons surrounded them in a circle. They stepped back into each other until they both hit each other's shoulder.

"What do we do?" she asked, drawing her deadly katana out into the realm of fighting. "Fight, nothing else."

He shot the bullets quickly into the demons, aimed perfectly like his gun had a scope; the demon was paralyzed and died.

"What? How did the demon die?" asked Sanzo, "I put phosphorus in the gunpowder, it seems to do more damage plus I put snake venom." Danielle said, showing two vials of venom, one empty and one full. "My turn to fight, you've killed 5."

She took her katana blade out and stabbed it into 5 demons straight, blood staining her face. "D'ya mind to switch weapons?" Sanzo asked, "With honor and pleasure." They switched. The samurai has the revolver and the monk has the katana. While the samurai girl shot 5 with the gun, the monk had slashed 5 through the easy usage of the sword. All the demons were dead. Both were panting.

Some of Sanzo's bangs were heavily stained with blood, so was his robe. Danielle was the same but also their faces had smears of blood and a few drops of blood.

Gojyo, Goku and Hakkai came in time. They heard gunshots after killing the demons. So anyway, the monk and the samurai girl told the whole story, amazing.

"I'm hungry." But that remark did not come from Goku, Sanzo said it.

"Here, Sanzo, have a moon cake, this is the least I can do for you. I know you had to use all your stamina on my blade but we're both clean, we won't be demons." She said, handing him one,

"Gah! Damn, I hate moon cakes!" he said, but she gently stuffed something else into his mouth, Japanese dumplings, rice and crabstick wrapped in black seaweed (nori).

"Damn, this is so good, I'll never skip meals again!" Sanzo said, Hakkai, Gojyo and Goku ate it, and so did she. "Yum!"

"This is mine!" said Goku, "This is mine!" said Gojyo, "Sanzo, let's do the honors." Danielle said,

"WHACK!" went Sanzo's fan on Gojyo's head, "WA-PAK!" went Danielle's fan on Goku's head. What Hakkai did was laugh and laugh.

"Urusai, bakayaro!" Danielle and Sanzo yelled


	5. Wake me up

**How to Deal**

Hey, please suggest me some chapter themes which are profusely insane. Thanks! This whole chapter was written on the account of boredom and wishes to inherit katanas. Flames freely damn accepted.

Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki or any song I post here, promise. I don't own "Wake me up when September ends."

_Blah-_thoughts

Continuing on a boring journey was a dumb bet made between Danielle, Goku, Gojyo and Hakkai.

"Let's have a bet. If I can make Sanzo not angry for the next 24 hours, we'll celebrate it a big sake drinking contest."

"If not?" asked Gojyo, "I'll have to wash all his dirty laundry." "Can we interrupt?" Goku asked, "Just spy, not really bonk in and dive into a freakish river!" she said, "Ok." The three nodded.

Later at sundown…….

"Just in time we came to this town! Hare heta, Hare heta!" Goku squealed in delight.

"Ch, let's find an inn. What exactly were you four talking about?" Sanzo mumbled, "Nothing!" the four innocently smiled.

At a hotel…..

"Ah, perfect, a large room, 5 cozy beds and one large, cool bathroom!" Hakkai said while Sanzo lit up a cigarette. She pulled it from his mouth and dropped it on the ashtray.

"What was that for?" the angry monk asked, "Nah, nothing. I just like doing things the way I do it."

After dinner and now ready to sleep…..

"Eww, never talk about that you pervy water imp." Goku yelled, "It's true, Goku, the ice cream could have damn salmonella bacteria." Gojyo said, grimacing.

"Shut that! It's annoying and freaky." Said the lady samurai who was putting her blade in front of the two idiots' faces. "If you have forgotten, I have a deadly sword that kills."

"Get to sleep you suckers." Sanzo said, lights out,

The next morning……

Unlike last night, the day was sunny but cold, it was windy _and_ cold.

"Brrrr…. Ooohhhaaayyyooo ggoooozzzzaaaaiiimmaaassss, Brrrr!" Hakkai said, shivering

"Brrrr, achoo!" Gojyo and Goku sneezed at the same time and banged their heads to their pillows.

"Darn it. It's so cold and all what you morons can do is shiver." Sanzo said, wrapped up with a cloak and a thick robe.

"Shush, Sanzo, let's just get breakfast okay." She said, wrapping on her kimono which always gave her warmth and comfort. _I hope breakfast is not something dumb. _

At the dining room, the weather was warmer but it was still windy.

"I want four of everything in this menu." "Goku! You monkey! Have you got any idea how much that will cost us?" "Sorry."

"Oh, I like uhhhh, I like fried ox tongue." Gojyo said, like a tough guy.

"I'll have bacon with maple syrup, ham and egg. Get me a banana too." The lady samurai said,

"Pork buns! Pork buns! Pork buns! Pork-."

"THWACK!" Went the oh-so-famous paper fan.

"Urusai, monkey if you don't like to be in trouble." A familiar stone cold voice sounded out.

"Sanzo, don't be so rash on him. He's hungry." Hakkai said, "I'll have ramen."

"I'll have Japanese dumplings, extra rice and crabsticks and wrap it in nori (seaweed!) And 3 orders of 2 pieces of tempura."

"Sanzo? Is that you or you switched bodies with Goku." Gojyo asked, "I just like it, horny water monster!" Sanzo pointed the gun at Gojyo

"Yeah, that's him alright. Still remember the bet?" Danielle asked Hakkai and Goku, "Yeah! Let's do it! Come back at 2 or 3 in the afternoon." Goku said with Hakkai nodding, Hakuryuu said: "Kyuu!" in agreement.

After breakfast, taking a nice bath and dressing up, the three others (Goku, Gojyo and Hakkai) hid behind the room's door for Danielle to be able to convince Sanzo to go out and stop him from being angry for the whole day.

"Hi, **_Kouryu_**." She said, smirking, "What the hell?" "Let's just go out and see the beauty of nature, corrupt monk, or I'll let you eat miso soup for the whole of your life."

Of course, Sanzo can't eat miso soup for his whole life so he decided to go. Goku, Gojyo and Hakkai did thumbs up behind the door.

By the river near the inn…

"Summer has come and passed, the innocent can never last,  
wake me up when September ends." Danielle said, looking at the autumn leaves.

"Really?" Sanzo asks absent-mindedly, "Like my fathers come to pass, seven years has gone so fast, wake me up when September ends." She sings, "Here comes the rain again, falling from the stars, drenched in my pain again, becoming who we are." Sanzo continues.

_He knows "Wake me up when September ends"? Damn! _She thought, "As my memory rests, but never forgets what I lost, wake me up when September ends." She continues the song but ends it at once.

"Why did you stop?" asked Sanzo, "Well I want to, monk." She said, "Please continue the song."

"Alright," she said as she began the song again,

"Summer has come and passed  
the innocent can never last  
wake me up when September ends

Ring out the bells again  
like we did when spring began  
wake me up when September ends

Here comes the rain again  
falling from the stars  
drenched in my pain again  
becoming who we are." When she began the next, Sanzo sung the rest anyway. Stupid monk.

"As my memory rests  
but never forgets what I lost  
wake me up when September ends

Summer has come and passed  
The innocent can never last  
wake me up when September ends

Like my father's come to pass  
twenty years has gone so fast  
wake me up when September ends  
wake me up when September ends  
wake me up when September ends." He sang well, bad monk!

"Maybe you've lost someone important to you so you sang it." He said, "Yeah, Sanzo, duh, a lot of people actually, maybe you too." She agreed, maybe.

Lunch….

"I ate more sushi than you! Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" Sanzo said like a little child, "You won, let's go back." "Not unless I wet you with water." Wet, wet, wet, were the two.

Back at the inn….

"Whoa, Sanzo looks happy." Said Gojyo, Goku was humming to the tune of "Wake me up when September ends." Hakkai was smiling.

"Ya know, you guys, me and Sanzo sung "Wake me up, when September ends." Danielle said, drying her wet hair.

Wow, too much songs and misery are bad for you, don't eat too much and don't let river drifters wet you. That is the lesson of this chapter.


	6. Bad Hair Day

**How to Deal**

Waaaa! Please give me a review even if it's a flame, I don't care anyway, and I don't read some of my reviews. Onegai! WHACK! Uh, Kougaiji OOC-ness in this chap. Sorry to all Kougaiji fans.

Chapter 6:

Bad Hair Day

That night they slept well but in the morning was a big dream problem…..

_Dream_………

_On the way, the Sanzo Party was driving across the dry desert. In a sudden flash of light, a red-haired demon with 3 others on dragons flashed in front of their jeep. _

"_Mwahaahahahahaha!" the red-haired demon named Kougaiji said, "I will cut your blonde hair once and for all!" _

"_Yeah! Cut the monk's hair once and for all!" an orange-haired demon named Lirin said, "It's about time Sanzo's got a haircut." Yaone and Dokugakuji high-fived._

_Hakkai's eyes bulged and his monocle fell off. Gojyo choked on his beer. Goku's head bumped the floor. Sanzo gritted his teeth hard enough to break a rock, Danielle took off the ponytail on her short black hair and gave a blank but worried expression._

_Kougaiji took his scissors and made the sound of hair being cut. "Say goodbye to your beautiful blonde hair! Hahahahaha!" "Wait! Darn no! Is blonde hair more precious than black hair? Only a few chosen people have its rich color. Tell ya what; I'll cut off a portion of my short nape-long black hair then you free us." Danielle said, standing in the sand, yelling it out and taking her blade out of its scabbard._

_Kougaiji and his companions thought of it. They thought that it would be nice to see a girl whose hair will be cut just for a stupid deal. "Alright, give me your hair." Dokugakuji said, nodding._

"_No, Danielle! Your hair is too precious to do so." Hakkai said, "It doesn't matter." And she winked; no one knew what it meant._

_She took her blade, knelt on the sand, placed it on her hair. She started to place it nearer and nearer. Yaone saw that her hair was also black but smirked and tried to know what could happen._

_Danielle slashed the blade on her hair, she caught the hair in her bruised hands of war, her hair wasn't below-the-nape-long anymore; it was until 3 centimeters above the bottom of her nape._

"_Noooo! Why would a samurai do that?" Goku yelled, "It's the end of the world. Danielle, Danielle, Danielle!"_

In the real world…..

"Why is this girl still not awake, its 6:30!" asked Gojyo while Goku kept on yelling the samurai's name. Hakkai was wondering why, he shook her, but she was entangled in a nightmare. Sanzo tried firing the bullets and whacking her head with the fan (ouch! Whack!) But she was still asleep. Sanzo thought of something. He took a pail of ice cold water. He said "Stand back!" then the water hit Danielle's face. She woke up and shook herself. "I had a bad dream last night that I cut my hair for the sake of you guys."

Everybody can't choke back their laugh and kept on.

"I can't take it anymore, my sides are splitting!" Gojyo said, bumping his cockroach head on the floor.

When they went out of the inn……

"I'm hungry." Said Goku, "Can we go somewhere not an inn, I like camping." Everybody looked at Danielle, "C-c-c-c-camping?" Gojyo asked at the sound of the horrible word.

"I want camping. I like mushrooms." Goku said, "No! The horror! Noo! The horror! Poisoned mushrooms! Wolf Clan sledgers (if you know Battle Realms, you'll get what I mean) and angry lemurs will attack me!" Gojyo said,

"Forgive him; I remember when Goku went to find people who could help us but who he got were Wolf Clan sledgers." Hakkai said, "I can't even believe this kappa is afraid of camping. Why, even a woman is braver than him." Sanzo murmured

At sunset, in a desolated creepy forest…..

"I guess we'll have to camp here." Hakkai said, "Okay, who'll get the food?" "I will!" Goku said, "Water?" "I will." Danielle said, "Isn't it too dangerous?" Gojyo asked, she pushed up her blade and showed her weapon.

"Who'll get the firewood?" "I will, I won't live with this kappa!" Sanzo said, "So I and Gojyo will make the tent. Okay. Good luck." Hakkai said.

In the forest……

Sanzo, Goku and Danielle went off to find the stuff. "Danielle, do you have a Japanese name?" "Sure, Goku." "What is it?" "Danieru." "Wow! It means: da is for strike, your katana, ni is for child, you are childlike but mature, e is grace, I think your intelligence is cool and ru is flow, as in knowledge flows from you!" Goku said (A/N: I got that from a site) "Look! A mushroom!" Goku yelled, "No Goku, it is dangerous, it's a poisonous one!" Sanzo said,

A large bunch of dried twigs and stick were on Sanzo's arm, Danielle had 3 pails of water from a large spring which was a bit shallow. Nuts and berries and the segments of a bamboo were with Goku.

Back at camp……

Hakkai and Gojyo had the tent made. The three had got the materials and were ready for the night. They made the campfire to cook anything they could eat, the nuts and berries needn't be cooked. The 10 bamboo tubes Goku had were plates for food and water and they were covered in one side by another piece of bamboo.

That night…..

Dinner consisted of rice, water, nuts and berries; ya know the usual camp stuff. They took turns in bathing in the far hot spring. The night was set but at the dead of the night they heard trees rustling. The Sanzo-ikkou went outside and saw savage prehistoric cavemen-like people pointing their crude stone spears to the gang.

"What are we gonna do now? But no one can mess with us, right?" Goku and Danielle chorused.

Hahahahah! Evil cliffhanger! Reviews please!


	7. Burning Sword

**How to Deal**

Sorry for the long time updating…..schoolwork, schoolwork has been bothering me too much. Anyway, pls. read and review.

Chapter 7:

Burning sword

_Where we were last chapter..._

"_What are we gonna do now? But no one can mess with us, right?" Goku and Danielle chorused._

Present chapter:

"Urusai!" THWACK! THWACK! SLASH! Was the sound of a fan on two heads and a sword slash on a tree.

"Okay, this is hard. Cavemen!" "Eh, baka kappa!" "Stop it!" "I'm hungry!" "Yare yare desu ne."

The cavemen with spears thrust it closer to the five and spoke in cave language.

"Oh perfect! Now what?" Gojyo asked, as his cockroach head started to be dizzy.

"Well, I think they don't stand chances without weapons." Hakkai said, "Why?" Danielle said, "Look well. Let's just fight."

The cavemen's spears first pointed at their feet. When the spears were shot, they leapt back in and were saved. The melee/gun combat started critically. Danielle dipped her sword into poisonous snake venom and covered her hands so it will not harm her.

"Darn snake venom." Danielle muttered as cavemen brawled just at her sight.

She adjusted the friction on her sword and saw fire. She entered the sword into the flame and the flame was on the sword but it wasn't burning. The cavemen and the ikkou were surprised.

"Let's get rollin'!" Goku said, as his pole had killed a few more. Sanzo, although not engaging in melee/ hand-to-hand combat was killing a lot of savage attackers. Gojyo and Hakkai were doing well side by side. Danielle's burning sword had opened a new style of fighting. Her opponents burned because of the katana, the deadliest kind of sword in the world. The flame of the sword and the snake venom did double damage. She was perfect to the eyes of others but she had a true weakness in the depths of her heart.

The last caveman bowed before the brave fighters. The fighting stopped at morning. Corpses and blood scattered all over the place, time to get away.

"Well, why was the sword burning?" Gojyo asked, "Oh I put it on a fire. Ha." Danielle said,

"Hakkai, comment: your shirt is ripped." Goku said, Hakkai's face was blue.

"Sanzo, here's a joke: Betty died last night. Did she die?" Danielle asked, "No." "You're right." "Oy, samurai, who among us do you call a cross of a million monkey cages and a glowing ball of fire?" Gojyo asked, puffing on his cigarette.

"Goku? He's a monkey." "I'm not a monkey!" "Ok, I wanna know." "It's Sanzo." "I don't get it!" "The glowing fire ball; sun, million monkey cages; zoo, so, it becomes SANZO!" Gojyo explained then a white fan sparred with his head.

"Owww! Can't you take a joke?" "Lighten up, monk, smile." "Goku, at the count of three, tickle Sanzo." Danielle said, holding out a digital camera and saying it at 0 decibels. "1...2...3!" then Goku tickled Sanzo until he laughed. Danielle took a picture, just at the right time and showed the group the pic.

"Hahahaha! Sanzo you're funny." Goku said, as they arrived at an inn, looking at the preview of the picture on Danielle's digital camera.

THWACK! "Ouch!" was the reply of a samurai ad a young youkai.


	8. Spider Trauma

Hi readers, sorry for not upd8ing. My world is a bit lazy due to a hard project, but I'm near to finishing it, 3 pages to go. Who cares! I want to remind you again that this is a self-impart, all my parts: third person. Here's chapter 8! This chapter has Filipino words, I'll translate them.

To:

**Yondaime Hokage Konzen Douji**: Siyempre naman!

Thanks, YHKD!

I don't own Saiyuki. Alright! If Kazuya knew this, then I'm dead!

Chapter 8:

Spider Trauma

On sunset……..

"Ako ang hari ng sablay!" Danielle sang like a moron which made everyone sweatdrop.

"What does that mean?" Goku asked, "It means: 'I'm the king of failures' I'm not sure!"

"Oh, cool, compose a song about Sanzo! Something in your language back home. Let him sing it afterwards." Gojyo said,

"No." Danielle said, with a blank expression on her face.

Minutes later,

"Aaaaah! Spider! Hakkai! Shoot it!" Hakkai tried to shoot the large spider with Ki, but it missed. The spider was 11 inches long.

"Goku! Crush it!" Goku couldn't, he liked spiders. "Gojyo! Hit the spider! Please!" "No! Scary!" "SANZO! Shoot the damn spider, please. I got trauma with spiders!" "No."

She suddenly found the urge to get her blade and sliced the spider. The spider died.

Sorry for the very short chapter. My ideas are running out. Maybe I'll ask some authors and authoresses for some ideas.

Thanks.


	9. Ghost and Fever

Hi everyone. This is chapter 9. I think the spider thing in chap. 8 is so cliché. Sorry, people.

**CHAPTER WARNINGS**: (please read)

Sick characters

Rain

Horror

Fever

Chapter 9: Ghost and Fever

That night, Goku went to explore the inn with Danielle. She wasn't ready to even see freaky sights.

Later at a strange room……

"Aaaah!" was the shout of a young youkai who hid behind a samurai. "Hush, baka." Said the lady samurai, showing her fan.

They saw blood, blood all over the room, smearing the walls red. Danielle lit up a candle and shone it on the wall. There was a message:

"PLEASE HELP ME"

Goku shivered while Danielle twitched and dismissed it as nonsense.

At the inn room…..

"Where the hell is the monkey and the samurai?" asked Sanzo dangerously.

"They went ghost-hunting." Hakkai said, smiling. "I'm going out even if it's raining!" the monk went out in a huff.

Back with Goku and Danielle……

"Danielle, let's get outta here. We might die and I'm hungry!"

"Idiot!" they wandered into the room and saw something that looked like a chest. Goku opened it and saw……a picture of a person. (hehe, suspense)

"Wow, she's beautiful." Danielle said, looking into the soul of the picture. The woman in the picture had long, wavy, auburn hair. Her eyes were turquoise, shining like the stars in the night sky. Her face was fair and her clothes were elegant. A white off-shouldered gown layered by chiffon and silk. She had jewelry of a queen, made of pure gold.

"She must have been kind." Goku said, "I see it too. She may look like a rich, stubborn, no attention person but I see she's good, like Sanzo, misunderstood."

"Sanzo! No way!" Goku hollered. After that, a cold breeze entered the room and left petals of roses across the room. The blood on the wall was cleansed. The room looked orderly and clean. Then the room was so elegant. The bed had posts and large, white silk curtains. The mattress was so soft. The pillows were velvet; the quilts had fur and silk. The other furniture was made of solid mahogany, Philippine mahogany.

Then a white apparition appeared. "Please leave. I think something has happened to your friend who is like the sun." "SANZO!" yelled Danielle and Goku together.

Room………

"Gojyo, Hakkai, we had a good time ghost-hunting but the ghost told us something bad happened to Sanzo!" Goku said, "Is the ghost a woman?" Gojyo asked.

"Yeah, she is. No time for that. Hakkai, Goku and I will find him." Danielle said, running off like a sprinter.

At the path toward the forest….

"Ugh! A fork! Where do we go?" Goku complained. Just then, a wind went by and twirled like a small tornado to the right path and stopped.

"It went to the right fork, that's cool." "Well, let's just go for the sake of everyone."

Under a pine tree in the right fork…..

"_Why, master, why did you leave me!_" was the desperate thought of a monk. He burned with fever that night under the rain.

A nice 25 meters away from the pine tree…

"Sanzo!" "Where are you?" "I got your gun!" "There's a youkai in the forest!"

"Hm….we'll have to keep looking. Look! A bow and arrows!" Danielle said. She tied a fallen vine unto the back of the arrow. She pulled the bowstring and drew it backward. She released it and it flew into the forest.

"What was that for?" asked Goku, "If he sees the arrow he'll try to find where it came from and then um….he'll find us." "Good idea."

Under the pine tree……..

"Hmm….what's this arrow d-d-do-i-ng here?" Sanzo asked limply and held the arrow. He traced the vine weakly and it led to three people, one excited, one happy and one in a pose holding a bow.

"Goodness you're alright, Sanzo!" "A ghost even told us you're here." "Well at least this is a hap-!" Hakkai was cut off when Sanzo fainted to the ground. Danielle put the bow on her shoulder ad helped carry him up.

Back at the inn….

"Where are they?" asked Gojyo to himself. The door opened in a flash. It was Sanzo, Hakkai, Goku and Danielle.

"My gosh, what happened to corrupt monk?" Gojyo asked, "Fever." The one-word sentence was said by Danielle in 0.0002 seconds.

"Well, she's right, he's burning. Do you guys got medicine for fever?"

"Antipyretic medicine or aspirin might do. I'm no doctor. Trust me." Danielle crossed her arms.

"Well, I might as well put a sponge on his head." Hakkai said, "Yeah I know: you put a damp cloth soaked in icy water then re-soak it if it becomes hot. I know it." Goku said, "Well, if we want him to get well….."

After doing the towel-thing………

"Why am I here?" asked Sanzo to Hakkai, "We took you home." He said with a smile. "We're glad your fever is gone." a voice said while feeding the monkey. "All I know is I saw the samurai with a bow. You fired the arrow, didn't you?" "Yeah…who else would?" he got up and sat on the floor.

"Sanzo, hare hetta!" yelled Goku, THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! "Itaiiii! You are well already, no doubt."

"At least, monkey and monk are back to normal."


	10. To Protect is To Live, The End

Hello people who purposely read my fic. I'm a bit hyper today so forgive the attempted stuff here. So don't try drinking or eating okay while reading or I'll be demanded for that...

Disclaimer: I don't own it, listen, I don't.

Chapter 10:

To Protect is to Live

That night after Sanzo's fever has gone down...

"I'm going back to that room with a ghost." Goku said, "Yeah, me too." Danielle said, buckling her sword and giving the saru his nyoibu.

"I'm going." the blonde monk said, "Well, why?" Gojyo asked, "You know what kind of bakasaru this monkey is." "Okay, have fun." Hakkai smiled.

That ghost room...

"Daaanieeellllle, it's freeeeeeeeeeeeziiiiiing here!" Goku said, "Shush!" Danielle said, "Whatever, urusai!"

The apparition of the lady appeared and gently grinned. Her brown hair became long, black and tied. Her eyes were like a glassy blue/black. She wore a short white robe and looked like some who-knows-who-on-earth-is-she. She became human form. Sanzo only sneered. Goku's hands were cold. Danielle's feet stood in place.

"Hi, Konzen."the black-haired woman said, "Konzen! Who's that?" "The one who has blonde hair like the sun."

"Oh, Sanzo, who's this, your mom? Maybe she's were your looks came from. I really see the blood of your family through all of you." Danielle said, grinning.

"She's my practically annoying aunt!" Konzen, I mean Sanzo snapped.

"You're lucky to have her as a travel companion. By the way, my name is Kanzeon Bosatsu, Goddess of Mercy." She said, "Why?" Goku asked.

"She has that honorable and intelligent self but she can be grumpy at times. On top of that, she's creative and is a good travel buddy. I remember that she once let her classmate borrow her pillow so she can sleep soundly during the field trip." Kanzeon smirked. "And remember some of your wars against demons."

"Yeah." Sanzo said, "Well she isn't dead yet, so she protects to live. Remember, to protect is to live. She sacrificed her honor to even help you to the west. You're just a nice 25 miles and you're in the West. Good luck. My nephew is lucky to have you. Protect and live, Danielle." Kanzeon said and went back to heaven.

"How did she know my name?" "Don't mind it."

Back to the room...

"Well, to protect is to live. That's what the Goddess of Mercy told me."

"Come on, that person would say that even!" "Cockroach, shut up if I were you." Danielle said, drawing out the blade. "Okay." "Good."

The next morning...

"Let's go!" Hakkai cheerfully said, "Fine!" everyone came down and to the jeep. They were in the west and found what they wanted. They have killed the demons, they have survived conflicts and hypnotism that even surrounded them, they have come to the West and back to the East that even back in their separate countries, they send each other postcards of the weirdest pictures in the whole world.

The end of our story! I'll surely miss this writing on this story. I'll work on my undone stories.


	11. Joke! The End

Um...actually chapter 10 is not the end. This chapter is the true end! Gotcha!

Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki and flash powder as a battle gear from Battle Realms, okay?

Chapter 11:

Joke! The End

In the last chapter they have hopped on the jeep, 1 mile away from the West (cool).

"To protect is to live." those words floated past Danielle's eyes. Then a black-haired guy stopped in front with a flaming sword.

"Hello, Sanzo-ikkou." "HOMURA!" "Who's Homura for Pete's sake?" "The fighting god."

"Give me the sutras!" the guy named Homura said, "Never!" Sanzo growled while gritting his teeth. "Then, I'll just have to decapitate your heads!"

"No, I won't let you...they're my friends." Danielle hung her head, "Kill me if needed." "WAIT A SECOND! We're not your friends!" Sanzo gritted and yelled. "Yes, alright, you are our friends." he said, he changed his mind after remembering the past, while she was almost hit by the jeep until this.

"Let's work together and defend the sutras." "Oh, what have you got here, a girl who has a sword? How funny." Homura said, as Danielle tried to find a source of fire, a lighter and lit the fire on her sword but it won't melt, mind you!

"Oh, what's this, a sword with fire, nothing compared with a sword of fire." Homura snickered.

"Oh we'll see who's the fire, nasty pants." she smirked and rolled her eyes sarcastically.

Gojyo summoned his shakujo and tagged to go first. Goku was right behind him.

"Homura, you won't get the suuuuuuuutraaaaaas?" Gojyo asked and exclaimed, Homura was nowhere in sight. "Gotcha!" Homura said and struck Gojyo, and Gojyo's palm exactly smacked on Goku's.

"I'm now on the road." Goku said, taking his staff and chasing Homura. Homura suddenly disappeared. "Hello!" Homura said, behind Goku. Goku leaped back and said: "You won't get me!" but Homura slashed his foot but not cut/ amputated it! "Itai!" Goku yelled as he crawled and tagged Danielle's foot. Danielle borrowed a lighter and placed fire on her sword.

"I'll avenge your foot and Gojyo." Danielle said, as she avoided Homura's dangerous blows. He struck the ground and a fiery wall surrounded Danielle who fortunately leaped and avoided it. She tried to strike him but a flame blade met the fire-surrounded metal blade. They both ran back. Homura approached her and struck her, which she had to meet the blade again. She tagged Hakkai even without injury and said, "Go Hakkai, he's strong, be careful!" she smirked and guarded Sanzo and treated the wounds of Gojyo and Goku.

Hakkai fired a Qi ball and Homura leaped and jumped and the Qi balls had no effect. He struck Hakkai but he avoided it because there was flash powder all over the place, courtesy of Danielle. Flash powder, as in a blinding powder which is like gunpowder which stuns the enemy.

"Thanks." Hakkai said, "Tag, Sanzo, you'd better fight Homura." Sanzo grunted and went out of the flash powder.

"Ah, Sanzo, give me the sutras!" "Never." Homura slashed his flame sword but Sanzo kept on dodging and stepping back. Sanzo fired his gun to Homura but Homura kept off. "_Should I use the sutras?_" he doubted and looked back.

"To protect is to live." those words whirled in Danielle's head, "Sanzo, if you must, use the sutras! We're all here! We'll support you! To protect is to live!" Danielle shouted out. Sanzo's eyes opened as Danielle struck her sword 2 meters aways from the sutras to receive the power of light and dark from heaven. Gojyo, Goku and Hakkai made a combined attack. Danielle struck out her sword, turned around, whirled the sword and hit Homura square in the arm as it burned by the fire of her sword and light and dark combined and worked for the first time and weakened Homura.

"Homura, stop and don't try to get my sutras." Sanzo gave his last message and they left. Homura was injured and went back up to heaven.

In the West...

"There's nothing here." Goku said, "Yes, let's go back. There's nothing here." Danielle said and frowned. "Let's go back." "Wait!" came a female voice which didn't sound like Danielle, it was Kanzeon!

"I'll take you back to Japan but you'll have 10 minutes to talk with Danielle and I'll send her home, maybe you should keep in touch with her."

Later...

"What do you know? We're here in Togenkyo!" Goku said, "I'll miss you guys." Danielle said, having tears in her eyes.

"I will too." Goku said, "And I will," Gojyo said, "And I really will." Hakkai said, "I will always remember you, this is the group picture of us." Sanzo said, smiling, at last!

"GROUP HUG!" Danielle said, crying happily, "Meeting you guys has changed my life, thank you, and to your aunt Sanzo, just send me a postcard and I will send you guys something too! I'll always remember to protect and live!"

Later...

Kanzeon Bosatsu appeared and said, "Time to go home, Danielle. I know you'll miss them but you said you'll send them something." "Yes, I did,

auntie!" "Auntie?" Sanzo said, "Auntie!" even Kanzeon was shocked.

"Auntie, please help me keep in touch with them. I wanna call you auntie." Danielle said, "Or **_tita _i**n Filipino. Thanks, goodbye guys!" and Danielle was in the Philippines in a flash and the Merciful Goddess went up to heaven.

"I'll miss her." everyone sighed. "I'll miss them." Danielle said, as they all never forgot to protect and live, especially her, and they sent weird stuff to each other but never did they fight with those letters.

The true End!


End file.
